You may be wondering why it took me so long to post a second blog entry. Well, I spent quite awhile working on one entry that was important to me and was also turning out to be rather difficult to write. The fact that I'm a perfectionist doesn't help either. No matter how much I wrote and thought about it, something about it felt wrong. I think I've finally figured out what's wrong with it, but that discovery means that I now know that that particular entry is going to take a much longer time to write. In the mean time, I'm not going to hold up my entire blog to wait for it, even though I wanted to post it next. So, instead of that more thoughtful entry, how about a somewhat sappy one?
People have asked me what my favorite part of our wedding day was. The answer is easy: the ceremony. My man's face as I walked down the aisle towards him and as I stood facing him is burned into my mind. Praying with him before we took communion was perhaps the sweetest moment for me.
People have also asked me what Ethan whispered in my ear before our kiss. That you cannot know. That's a secret for the two of us to enjoy. Something you can know is one of the chief things on my mind during the ceremony.
I kept thinking about getting back from our first date. I was totally overwhelmed. I had been pretty sure for a few days that I was going to marry this man, but that date confirmed it. I went upstairs into my room, sat on the floor, and started talking to God about it. I said to Him, Why would you give me something so perfect [Ethan isn't perfect, but he's absolutely perfect for me]? I've been such a bratty daughter. I don't deserve this. He said to me, No, you don't deserve it. It's all grace. I did it because I love you.
I did it because I love you. As I stood looking at Ethan with his teary eyes, those words kept repeating in my head, pressing into my heart. If there's anything that my relationship with Ethan has taught me and continues to teach me, it's the love and grace of God, two things I've so desperately needed to experience, particularly after the difficult year that I had before (re)meeting Ethan. God knew that I needed a tangible and vivid reminder of His character, love, and grace, so that's what He gave me.
I could never have deserved something so good. It's all His grace, just as His giving me His Son was grace that I didn't deserve. He did it to show me His love and draw me to Himself.
Still sometimes, as I pray with Ethan or go about this new life that He has given me, His words impress upon me again: I did it because I love you.